Today has actually been an exceedingly productive day! I have been to class, been to the gym, made a really decent dinner and even read over my Sociology essay for a final time (and now after having done that too many times, I am beginning to question whether I am even on the right topic at all) and fixed up some referencing issues (which is always where my marks are lost.. and no doubt still will be). AND I am now about to go and meet with someone to discuss a group project that is due in a mere 10 days..
I now realise how slowly I have been taking the whole study-abroad thing, in terms of actually studying.. I am going to have some major work to put in this week to get another 2 essays done and complete two half done group projects as well.. Actually I am a little distressed thinking about it. But alas, this is student life. We need the pressure to motivate us. And despite having been given these assignments many weeks ago, I would never have previously felt the pressure enough to put in as much effort as I will this week. And.. If it comes down to an all nighter… or two… so be it! This is my last semester of study! I might as well suffer through it. No point figuring out the key to easy-success now is there?
Actually.. This mentality has also disappointed me recently, as I am slowly being forced to face the fact that I have one more component left of my degree once I have finished this semester at uni.. A co-operative work-study placement THING. Which is proving harder than I thought to enroll in when I am sitting this far from home, and trying to propose that I be allowed to do it abroad and on my own.. Right now… It is looking like I might have to take a semester off to work and play and come back to smash out the final leg in May, 2015.. Although when I say “come back”.. I don’t know where to..
That’s been another terrifying realization for me recently. The realization that I am not going home at any defined point in the future. Actually I might have mentioned this one earlier.. It is in fact a recurring terror in my life at the moment. And its not so much that I believe I am homesick.. As there must just be something in human nature that demands for home to be defined. I cannot explain the confusion and utter mix of emotions that flood me, every time I have to realise that I am now at THAT stage in life… where I have to find and make a home for myself.. AND there is this whole… mother trucking.. massive world to do it in.. And I could choose any where I please.. That’s a mighty task right there. And despite this thought often drifting into my mind before I fall asleep each night.. I find I am having to just push it aside and repress it for now.. Which is possibly the most terrifying and confusing part. Because. Only time can tell now. What ever the future has to hold for me.. It hasn’t chosen to let me in on its secrets just yet. And I guess… I am hoping that I will find home at some point.. Some point soon would be alright.
For now. I should maybe have a go at influencing that graduating ambition first..